The Sad Life Of Matthew Murray

Matthew Murray is the 24 yr old that killed four people at two New Life Church facilities in Colorado. Murray attended YWAM (for youth) training at Arvada's Faith Bible Chapel. Earlier, the Director explained they let Murray go from a missionary program because of what he called "issues related to his health." Could that "health" issue been that he was gay? One of the things that hasn't been reported on so much in the mainstream media is that Matthew wrote about being bi-sexual:

Last summer, he wrote, "People like us are going to go to hell, according to Christians." He lists several reasons why. Reason number seven is bluntly stated, "I'm bisexual." In other postings, Murray wrote, "... I can never get a female date. I am at least able to get some male action."

On an online website Murray wrote that he told her, "Using drugs, alcohol and having gay sex, I'm just trying to do what any Christian pastor would do. At least I'm not doing meth like Ted Haggard."

He posted about not understanding how Haggard could be forgiven, yet he himself could not:

He posted, "I want to know where was all the love, mercy and compassion for my supposed imperfections?"

What were his imperfections?

He said he had participated in“every sort of sexual perversion”…including bestiality. He says he rebelled from his strict Christian back ground in 2004:

It was in 2004 at age 20 when I rebelled against my parents and their church that I immediately went out and bought Marilyn Manson’s “Smells Like Children” Album. From there I got all of Marilyn Manson’s albums and went on to an assortment of metal and Black Metal groups:
Vital Remains, Slayer, Cradle of Filth, Danzig, Black Sabbath, Deicide, Cannibal Corpse, Emperor, Slipknot, Tool, Dark Funeral, Marduk, Gorgoroth etc

He also sought refuge in the occult. Here is a posting of some of his online writings. They are deeply sad and disturbing. At one point he yells at his mother and tells her he likes men and would like to do a threesome in front of her and his dad. I don't want to copy and paste that conversation for the obvious reasons it is R-rated.

In many of the writings he refers to being raped. It seems it was by a man since he later says it wasn't consensual and then says that he would like to one day be with a female.

In early 2004, I was still living at home at age 20. I went to a charismatic conference at New Life church with my mother and her church. At the conference I got into a debate with two prayer team staff members. These two staff members watched me throughout the conference to find out who I was with. They found my mother and told her this story that went something along the lines of I “wasn’t walking with the lord and could be planning violence.”

It seems clear that in the rebelling against his strict home life and the strict dictates of the New Life Church combined with his mental state, he blamed everything on Christians such as those at New Life.

In reading through his writings, it is heartbreaking. Matthew was obviously abused and raped. He saw hypocrisy at the church and oppressiveness with his family trying to control him at home. Add on to that the various medications he took for his depression and it all ends the way we saw it end.

Some gay websites are blaming the whole thing on the fact that Matthew was gay and the Church tried to change him. Whatever sexuality Matthew desired or was, it was only a symptom of the inner demons that he stuggled with. This really wasn't about being gay against being Christian imo. It was about never finding the good inside himself.

I'm not making a judgement here on Matthew or his family. I'll let God do that. But for the websites that I surfed through that seem to want to blame the Church, or homophoblia, or his parents, or hypocrisy for what Matthew did, I don't buy it.

I have known people who went through these kinds of things, as horrible as they are, and come out of it as wonderful human beings. Matthew never understood that God wasn't the New Life Church or his parents. He was being forced to find answers there. And then he looked for more answers in all the wrong places.

There is no doubt in my heart and mind that the struggle between good and evil surrounds each of us every day. Matthew had more of a struggle than most of us, but he could not overcome. He was devoured.

May God have mercy on his soul.

I Peter 5:8
Be of sober spirit, be on the alert Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.