Saturday, August 25, 2007

She's Gone.

I didn't cry. I was ready to let her go. I've already got one at college. I didn't cry when I dropped him off 2 yrs ago either. It was time.

A girl is different though. You worry more. But she had matured so much in the last year that she put my mind at ease a bit. She is a lot like me. She is strong headed. Opinionated. She has a deep faith. She can take care of herself.

On the drive home I started remembering some of the stupid things I did at college. Compared to today's youth, it probably seems mild, but still stupid. I was 17 my freshman year in college because I graduated a year early. I made road trips constantly. To Memphis, to Nashville, to Houston, to Orlando, to Austin, to even Key West. Crazy trips, where we drove all night, putting ice on our face to stay awake. I use to drag race with my baby blue Cougar XR7 down fraternity row. One time, I was bored driving home and picked up two hitchhikers, a man and a woman of a hippie variety. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING???

I know that despite these things, I have to let go. I just don't have a choice.

When I got home today I went into her room and laid down on her bed. I closed my eyes and remembered what an absolute joy she had been as a little girl. She was a sweet baby who never fussed and went to sleep with no problem. As a toddler she was adorable. I dressed her like a doll and had such fun decorating her room. As she grew I would just marvel that she was mine. She was so beautiful, smart and athletic. (still is!) Once, when she was 8 yrs old, I was delivering meals on wheels with her and her two brothers. I was pregnant at the time and was trying to hurry through it. One of the elderly women had hurt her hand and it was wrapped in a bandage and she had spent quite a bit of time telling us about it. I was trying to get on to the next stop and was hurrying the kids through the door. My daughter said "Wait a second Mom," and ran back in. I stepped back in the apartment to tell her we had to go, when I saw her lift the old lady's hand and kiss the bandage. Oh, how the lady smiled. My daughter ran back to me and said "I needed to make it feel better." That's when I knew she would be a better person than I.

The teenage years brought stress to both of us. This cultural allows too much too soon and I wasn't backing down on being a mom, not a friend. We went through some rough years, but it was brief and the sun did shine again. And wouldn't you know it? Just when the sun was shining again and we liked each other again, She leaves.

I'm still busy with two sons at home (not to mention the 2 dogs) but I am going to miss my girl.