Saturday, February 07, 2009

Walking You Through The Stimulus Plan Debacle

For those of you (which are most of us) who are too busy living a life to understand this entire Stimulus plan soap opera. I'll walk you though it in plain terms.

Jan. 26th : Stimulus bill! 7,8, 9 Billion! There.

Ok, maybe a few billion more, give or take.

Jan 27th: Obama to House Republicans: "Come on guys. Kumbya and all that."

Jan 27th: House Republicans: "Are freakin kidding me? This bill is a bloated cow. No way we are voting for it."

Jan 27th: Obama to House Republicans: "Umm..Guys? I won. Sucks for you, but there it is."

Jan. 28th: House Republicans to House Democrats: "You're on your own with this pork baby."

Feb. 3rd: McCain to Obama and America: "This is the biggest porkfest I've ever seen, and I've seen a few. Republicans are being ignored like dorks at a homecoming dance. No one is asking us to dance. This bill won't stimulate the economy. Sign this petition and let's put on our own dance."

Feb 6th Michael Steele to the American People: "OMG! Have you noticed what an ego the Democrats have? Look, we need to let families keep their money and not fund STD studies, golf courses, and the NEA. By the way, have you guys noticed that I'm black too? Well, I am. Obama has nothing on me.

Feb. 7th: Obama to the American people: "Don't listen to these silly Republicans. This bill isn't too big, it isn't too small. It's just right. Kinda like that Goldilocks story. Only we won't eat all your porridge, break your chairs and your bed. I promise. We have to do this though. Sky is falling and all that you know."

Feb. 7th: Senate Republicans: "Everybody just chill. We know we have to pass something to get this economy going, but this bill is like Aunt Gertie at the family reunion. It eats too much and doesn't help clean up the mess."

Feb 7th: Are you voting for this bill or not?

Democrats: "Well, duh. yeah."

Jeff Sessions:"Hell no."
Kit Bond:"Hell no."
Jon Kyl:"Hell no."
John McCain""Hell no."
Mike Johann::"Hell no."
John Ensign:"Hell no."
Richard Burr:"Hell no."
Tom Coburn:"Hell no."
James Inhofe:"Hell no."
Mike Crapo:"Hell no."
James Risch:"Hell no."
Jim DeMint"Hell no."
Lindsay Graham::"Hell no."
Sam Brownback:"Hell no."
Pat Roberts:"Hell no."
John Thune:"Hell no."
Jim Bunning:"Hell no."
Mitch McConnell:"Hell no."
Bob Corker:"Hell no."
David Vitter: "Hell no."
Robert Bennett:"Hell no."
John Barrasso "Hell no."

The following are those saying, "Well, maybe. Let me take a poll and get back to you. Squishy and all that. OR they didn't answer the phone. (via Cassy)

Richard Shelby — I got busy signals on both lines, so I just put him in the squish column.
Lisa Murkowski — definite squish; plus, her staffer was a huge asshat on the phone.
Thad Cochran
Judd Gregg — said he was abstaining from voting. (*I guess he is too cool now that he is all in the administration.-RWS)
Joe Lieberman
Mel Martinez
Saxby Chambliss — said he currently opposed it, but was “open to compromise”
George Voinovich — voted no in appropriations but is still open to voting for the bill
Johnny Isakson
Arlen Specter — both of his lines were busy, I never actually got through (*I think we can rest assured on Specter betraying Republicans. It's what he does-RWS)
Richard Lugar
Chuck Grassley
Roger Wicker
Lamar Alexander — likely a “no” vote, but still possibly squishy
John Cornyn — no answer on either line (*I know my big bad John will come through for us-RWS)
Kay Bailey Hutchison — busy on both lines
Susan Collins
Olympia Snowe
Michael Enzi — “leaning towards no”