Love Is A Battlefield.

The following is a re-post from the end of September of 2004. I have an update at the bottom.

Sometime between teaching my son to drive and throwing my daughter's Britney Spear's CD away, ("why mom???!!", "Uh.. lets see, when she is not dressing like a prostitute, she looks like white trash. She sings a haunting melody about masturbation and she is so stupid she couldn't get a clue from JLo to NEVER marry one of her dancers!") I realized that I am a mom of teenagers.

When did that happen? Wasn't I just 17 a few years ago?? I feel like I have been thrown down a time tunnel.

In my daughter's whines I hear something familiar, something I know I have heard before. Then it hits me. ITS ME! Is this some sort of cosmic revenge? I have to relive my own overdramatic totally unreasonable emotions? Yes I do. And I can't even complain to my Mom, she just giggles uncrontrollably.

When my daughter was almost 13 I asked her, "please don't be a bratty teenager, please stay the sweet little angel you are now, don't change!" She hugged me tightly and said, "Of course I won't Mom!!".......LIAR!!! After 2 yrs of slammed doors, tears, and proclamations of how I am ruining her life, I asked her "Is my sweet little girl EVER coming back? Huh? Is She? I want to know, because I really really miss her!" My daughter rolls her eyes in disgust, clearly wondering how she lives with such stupidity.

Sometimes when we are arguing a little voice in my head says,
"Whats wrong with a coed pajama party??? Oh, let her wear the skimpy halter top, you had one just like it!! When did you lose your sense of fun, your sense of adventure??" Hmmm.... I'm pretty sure I lost it when I saw "American Pie."

The other day a convertible pulls up with her friends ready to go. I rush outside and tell them to turn down the music so they can hear the traffic, buckle their seat belts, don't even think about drinking, and for God's sake button the top buttons of their shirts! My daughter closes her eyes hoping I will disappear in a puff of smoke. What she doesn't know is that I would give anything to hop in that car with them, turn up the music, have a beer, and remember what it was like to be young and carefree without the worry of motherhood.

At the moment, this job sucks. First, its never fun anymore. Second, I am ALWAYS the bad guy, and third, I can't even get drunk. ( Ok, I know I CAN, I just don't think I should) Maintaining my wise and "lets always do the right thing" attitude is wearing me out. It could just be my situation, but girls are alot harder. People tell me that they return to sanity around 22 or so. Good, just old to enough to pay for my stay in the mental ward. Where I will probably sit in small room with a telephone by my bed muttering "Why hasn't she called? Where is she? She is dead in a ditch! I know it!!"

Luckily my 3 boys seem to stroll through life happy and content. My oldest was born 30, I think. He has just always gotten it. He goes with the flow and obeys the rules (with the normal exceptions). The other two are young, still in that "Gosh, my mommy is so terrific!" stage that is the best part of being a Mom. So, I guess I have the best and the worst parts of being a Mom going on. If anyone has suggestons on how to handle the worst not requiring medication, I would appreciate it. Right now I think I will crank up my old LP of Pat Benatar, "Love is a battlefield." That girl rocked, didn't she?

*Update: After making a few changes, letting her earn my trust and grounding her when she loses it. I have to say that this last year has shown a vast improvement. I knew I needed a way to connect to her again, but we never seem to be able to be together. This year she asked to be in beauty pageant a couple of her friends were going to be in. I had never even watched a beauty pageant nor thought much of them, but then I realized that it would take alot of time getting ready for (and boy did it!) and that we could spend some quality time together. It absolutely worked! We had so much fun shopping for the clothes and makeup. I took her to some classes to prepare. We got to talk in the car a lot. We really just got to know each other again. (She will be competing in the Miss Texas Teen USA pageant at Thanksgiving with the title of our town, which I don't want to give out, but it will be on national TV and I will let you know closer to it)

She matured so much this year. It's nice to have my sweet girl back! We still argue over curfew and such, but for the really important things she has her head on straight.

I know she had to find her own way, I just didn't want her to have regrets. One day when she came home all mad because some people at school had been insulting her faith and she ran to get her Bible and typed up a bunch of verses about what they were arguing about, and brought them to school the next day to show them, I knew that the worse was finally over.

Love is a battelfield, but real love always wins the battle.